How My Impulsive Love For Rahul Khanna Ruined My Reputation: A Public Service Announcement

Those of you reading this blog who know me, in real life or just through THE MAGIC OF MY WORDS (ha!), will possibly know the following things about me already :

a) I'm sometimes a little bit impulsive, and

b) I can occasionally be a bit of a geeky completist, and

c) I have mad love for Rahul Khanna, also sometimes referred to within these pages as “The Hottest Khanna” (not...strictly true, since Vinod owns my heart forever but you know, if it's a competition between Rahul and Akshaye...anyway, I digress).

So anyway, these random facts all combined today to hilariously try and destroy my squeaky clean reputation, all because I just wanted to own ONE MORE FILM WITH RAHUL KHANNA IN IT.

It began, innocently enough, with this:

See #7 on the list? Hi Fi Log was the only film on Induna's “Rahul Khanna filmography” that I didn't already own, so I clicked Add To Cart.....CRITICALLY, without clicking through to see the cover., or discover it was classified as “Mature/Obscure”. Nor did I look elsewhere on the net to read a synopsis – what can I say? I prefer to be surprised. Hi Fi Log, in my imagination, was about a bunch of rich, jet-setting people who probably swan around wearing jewels and designer clothes and drinking cocktails poolside looking fabulous. 

 Pretty much the definition of "poolside, looking fabulous"

In my imagination it was kind of like an Indian Bold and the Beautiful. After all, it had RAHUL KHANNA in it. He would probably be wearing a tuxedo most of the time when he wasn't swimming laps in designer Speedos and making all the ladies swoon. Plot? WHAT PLOT? Of course I'd buy it without looking at the cover, which would probably be purple with lots of diamonds on it and Rahul Khanna in WHITE TROUSERS (swoon). 

 

This pic comes from MissMalini.com and for that we should ALL GIVE THANKS

THIS IS IMPULSIVITY IN ACTION.

Hint: this is why I should have read a synopsis (taken unedited from YouTube where you can watch the whole movie):

Hi Fi Log is a story about a male prostitution in the Hi Fi society.
Rich sex hungry women, who like to booze, party have fun are willing to pay big amount of money
to fulfill their sexual desires. Rahul is a young guy with aspiration to become an actor, struggling to survive in the big city,
meets a agent (dalal), who convinces Rahul to become a giglo.
Rahul agrees and starts visiting rich auntys to satisfy them, What follows is lot of hot masala scenes, aunties in hot bikinis.
He meets and falls in love with Kajal (karishma) and also befriends a co-worker giglo guy. One of the aunty gets caught by her husband,
making out with a male prostitute and the angry husband shoots both of them. The police carries out investigation and the whole racket is busted.
Also his co-worker giglo gets infected with AIDS and dies. Rahul finally realizes his mistake and quits the HI Fi city life to go back to his village.

HERE IS THE PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

Just in case you haven't figured it out yet, the Rahul Khanna we know and adore is not in Hi Fi Log. That is to say, this sexy guy:

Dear Rahul, I am sorry for even ACCIDENTALLY thinking you were in a really bad film. 

 

doesn't get down to luridly hilarious seksi times with any, errr...rich aunties.

 This guy is though. TBH, this is PROBABLY Abhay Bakshi? I have no idea who the OTHER Rahul Khanna is. 

 The DVD cover doesn't lie though:

A "Rahul Khanna" rocks it in this film,

to a creepily hilarious soundtrack of the Backstreet Boys "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" played at like, quarter speed. *facepalm* It's like that episode of Friends, where Phoebe's twin sister Ursula is an “adult film star” who uses the name Phoebe Buffay as her p0rn name.

Nor is Hi Fi Log really a p0rn film - well, not by Western standards anyway. It's certainly....very bad, from the snippets I watched. Possibly hilariously bad, based on the glorious disco-p0rn titles, the Backstreet Boys as atmospheric music and the fact that the cover suggests it's supposed to be SO SO HOT yet this:

 Ooh bikinis.

 

This appears to be the big item number. 

 hahah steamy seksi time

seems to be the extent of the action (not that I really went looking!). Oh yeah, there are no subtitles. I may just save this one for a No Subtitles Sunday when I'm feeling brave. And reckless.

WHY EVERYONE AT WORK NOW THINKS I AM A PERVY WEIRDO:

Let me set the scene a little for you. I order dvds fairly regularly and my favourite regular courier has figured me out and knows to bring them to me at work. Today, he brought me a package and my new co-worker made a joke I have heard like, EVERY TIME I GET A PACKAGE: ''Oh, more p0rn off the internet huh?”

Oh how we laughed. “No, seriously, just some Bollywood dvds” I told her.

And then I opened the package and sitting right on top was this.

WHICH WAS NOT THE PURPLE DIAMOND-COVERED WHITE PANTED RAHUL COVERED DVD I THOUGHT I ORDERED. Just to compound the hilarious horror, after tweeting my innocence, SWEARING that I had only ordered the film for Rahul Khanna, I got this DM:

Confirmation of HIS innocence. DAMMIT. 

So anyway, back to my co-worker. “OH MY GOD YOU DID BUY P0RN!” she cackled, “That's not Bollywood! In Bollywood they don't even kiss or swear!”

So then...I made it worse, by kind of...going on a huge rant about how OF COURSE Bollywood has seksi times and kissing and swearing and violence. I may have argued too fervently in the other direction, in fact, so now coworker believes that Bollywood is a filthy den of sin and I am a big pervy weirdo who orders Indian seksi-time films off the internet AND WRITES ABOUT THEM. SIGH. 

SO ANYWAY MORAL OF THE STORY: Rahul Khanna isn't in Hi Fi Log, long story short.

Special bonus P.S.A: Govinda is not in Main Aur Mrs Khanna, despite 99% of filmographies on the net saying he is. I WATCHED THE WHOLE MOVIE and shame on whoever mistook Bappi Lahiri for Chichi. Just thought I'd throw that in there while I'm doing selfless good deeds.